Filed by Rachel Leavenworth, Spirit Liason
GBI Case File No. GBWC-2009-27/319
April 8, 2009, 5:07 PM
Ghostbusters Omnibus Timeline Year Twenty-Seven
news... we have a breaking story. Apparently, a strange blue
apparition has been spotted throwing banana peels at the new
Simpsons ride at Universal Studios, Hollywood... Security
seems unable to stop the blue creature, nor determine where it
is getting all those bananas from..."
facepalmed. "Goddammit, Rachel," he said as the phone rang. He
got up from the couch in the rec room and listened in on the
conversation Rose had with the client on the other end. He'd
been off that day and was the only one still in the warehouse
when the call came, so when his cell started ringing, it
wasn't a surprise to him. "Yeah, I'll take care of it," he
answered simply as he walked down the stairs and got his
uniform on and started walking towards the door.
aren't you gonna take one of the cruisers?"
bust, all I'll need is my car," he said as he opened the door
and walked out. His '86 Bronco II was sitting there, almost
looking bored. He got in, turned it on and backed out of his
parking space and merged into traffic. It was going to be a
The ride manager came to meet him in the
parking lot. "The bananas are the least of our problems. Every
clock in the park has been set back to either midnight,
September 3, 2007, or November 5, 1955. Even all the watches
in the park have gone insane! The only timepieces that still
read correctly are cell phones!"
Jeremy shook his head
as he grabbed a pack from the Bronco. "How long ago did this
start?" He grabbed a trap and put it on the built-in holster
on the pack.
"As soon as the gates opened this
morning," he moaned. "We've got tourists crowding around
trying to get a better look, getting in our way- some of them
even tried to break down the security cordon!"
You just had to get me outdoors
today, didn't you? "OK, thank you for trying to keep
the park-goers out of harm's way. I'll handle it from here."
They approached the cordon and the security team members
lifted the tape for him. He approached the spectre and cleared
his throat. "Excuse me, but why are you doing
Slimy banana peels smacked against Krusty's
leering face. "DEATH TO SIMPSONS! REVERSE THE DEGRADATION OF
AMERICAN POP CULTURE!"
He pulled the thrower and
powered it up, seeing if that would get Rachel's
"KILL ALL SIMPSONS! THE YELLOW PEOPLE ARE
DEVILS! AND THEY HAVE NO BALLS!"
He aimed carefully at
her, but when he fired he shot wide, hitting the giant Krusty
"WHOO! STICK IT TO THE MAN!" She hurled the
last of the peels to the ground and began shooting fireballs
instead, taking the misfire as an endorsement. "ATOMIC DEATH
TO EVIL CLOWNS!"
"Damn recoil," he muttered, just a
little pleased with himself as he took aim again, this time
"HOLY S**T!" She started to go berserk.
"Hey, you MISSED!" She turned back to the marquee and wriggled
to get loose.
A couple of fans had broken through the
barricade and almost got their heads singed by the beam, so he
shut it down as quickly as possible.
She got up on top
of the huge, horrifying visage, lay down, and began stomping
her feet down onto it, a la Rick James. "What's good, Krusty?!
What's really good?!"
He fought through the small crowd
that had gathered around him as security got in and 'escorted'
them out. He took aim again and managed to nab her foot, but
not before melting part of Krusty's head to get to it. He
smiled just enough to make it seem as if he was glad he'd
gotten her, but he was very glad he'd gotten the park manager
to sign the release forms beforehand.
She tried to pry
beam loose and only got her wrists caught. "D**n! Your aim
just sucks today!"
He shortened the stream to bring her
closer to him and pulled out the trap, letting it dangle for a
moment before he dropped it to the ground and rolled it under
her. "Everyone! Don't look into the trap!" He stomped on the
foot pedal and turned off the beam. Two seconds later, she was
in the trap and the Krustyland marquee had almost completely
melted to the ground. He wrote out the work order and handed
it to the park manager, who was almost purple from holding in
his rage. Jeremy just smiled, bowed, and walked out of the
park with the trap in hand.
night, in the wall grid containment room, Rachel was enjoying
watching herself on the TV. "Melt that motherf**ker!
Fritz cringed as they observed her. "And to
think Twilight fangirls used to scare me."
perversely. "Fire, fire!"
Jeremy turned the TV off.
"Rachel, you put the entire company in a tight spot when you
did that. I don't even wanna think about any conspiracy nuts
out there that have guessed that you're in any way, shape, or
form involved with the company. Do you realize what the
Universal lawyers would do if they found out you're working
She shrugged. "OK, so it was rash." She struck
a heroic pose. "But I'll accept the consequences! The voice of
the people will not fade quietly into the
"Rash? In one fell swoop, you could've gotten
the ENTIRETY of GBI shut down because of this. I was upset
when they announced they were closing the Back to the Future
ride and replacing it with The Simpsons, but damn, I'm not
gonna risk my job to screw up the Simpsons ride."
was only throwing bananas at it until you showed up! Geez!
Who's gonna get anything shut down with bananas?! IT WAS JUST
Fritz looked over at Jeremy. "Was she just
"Yeah, but she didn't stop until my
first shot went wide and I hit the KrustyLand marquee, then
she started throwing fireballs at it."
atomic assault of doom, I didn't figure a couple fireballs
could make it worse!"
Fritz started to rub his temples.
"Did you at least get the park manager to sign the
"Yes, I did."
"Then we don't have
anything to worry about at the moment," he said as calmly as
he could muster.
The Simpsons theme began to play on
the TV. By reflex, she turned on it and blew it up. "DIE,
"I thought I turned it off," Jeremy said
simply as he turned, seeing Jason with the remote in his hand.
He looked justifiably shaken. "I just wanted to see
what was on."
Rachel kept whaling on the TV's ruins.
"Your mother sucks yellow c**ks in hell!"
Jason on the back as he slowly took the now defunct remote out
of his hand. "It's OK, Jason, don't worry about it." He turned
to Rachel. "Don't ever let her catch you watching it ever
"I SWEAR ETERNAL, BURNING HATRED!" Crunch,
crunch... The TV was far beyond any hope of
Jason backed away slowly. "Boss, I came to ask
you about something..."
"Can it wait?"
Jeremy and Rachel were left alone in the room.
He sat down and rubbed his temples. "I'm just glad we have
another one in reserve."
The TV was now in little,
unidentifiable bits. Her rage subsided. "This ain't nothin'.
Just you wait 'till Backdraft gets moved out- Transformers is
gonna bleed for it, I tell you!" SHe shook her fist at the
sky. "They will know what it is to be roasted in the depths of
J just facepalmed at that quote. "That just
brings back too many bad memories for me."
I SAY!" She turned to him for a moment. "What the h**l is a
"I don't know anymore," he said as he
leaned back against the door.
night, she found herself cleaning up after her tantrum. "So
they say they'll nix the litigation if I clean out the bananas
AND the melted Krusty head AND help them install the next one
AND forfeit half my salary to cover their losses for the next
Fritz was unfazed. "You missed a
She swept up another splinter of glass,
Jeremy just stood there. "Well, if
they ever open a Ghostbusters ride, they can put the Krusty
head in there with a sign on it saying 'Proton packs are not
"Gimme a break," she muttered. "They don't give
a crap about GOOD movies anymore." She went into a long string
of arcane swear words.
Fritz moved to make her stop.
"Talk to their people when you're ready to stop vomiting
expletives every other sentence clause." He handed over a
paper with their email on it and walked out.
down next to her. "But it did feel good to see that Krusty
head melted beyond all recognition."
She turned to him
and grinned slyly. "I knew you'd come
Her inaugural Hamburger Helper was
a success. "Does this make up for me almost getting us
Jeremy swallowed. "Almost." He looked at what
was left in the pan. He'd almost eaten half of it. He looked
her squarely in the eyes. "Promise you'll never do that
She slumped. "Oh, come on. Do I have to?
Backdraft closes on Labor
"Rachel, for the good of the company,
She sighed unhappily. "Fine, fine,
"I'm not happy about it either, OK? It's a
great demonstration of pyrotechnics and mechanical effects,
but it's not what's popular anymore."
She got quiet.
"Neither are we."